Today was a rough day. No particular reason necessarily. Sometimes this cancer journey just gets me down.
My chest is hyper throbby and achy due to injections into the expanders. I guess I was also hoping for and dreading in equal measure learning about my next steps on this cancer journey. Without the oncotype analyses back, we can’t yet make a plan. And, to top it off, I was over our hotel room. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a nice room. But I’ve been in it pretty consistently since I got out of the hospital on May 11. So, to sum it up pain, liminal space, and boredom did a bit of a number on me this morning. I was sad. I was overwhelmed. I was so bored. I didn’t cry, but I could have at any moment.
So, I got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and put on makeup. Those rituals always make me feel better. My sweetie took this as an invitation to get me out of hotel jail for a bit after he got off work.
A few days ago he found a nice Mediterranean restaurant D’Vine in the strip mall across the street, so he rolled me over there. (I’m still not allowed to walk much. So excursions either require the car and drop off at the door, or a wheelchair.) We sat outside on the patio on this glorious sunny day, a gentle breeze blowing, and enjoyed falafel, fatayar, fried cauliflower, lamb kabobs, and lentil soup. Everything was so fresh and flavorful and I topped it off with some rice pudding.
Then Andrew rolled me out into the sun to sit for a bit. It was fabulous to feel the sun on my face and the breeze on my skin. Now back home to the hotel for a nap.
It’s amazing how energy shifts, in this case a change of scenery and some yummy food can change my experience of a day. I’m becoming clear that navigating this cancer journey is going to require me to be mindful of when I become overwhelmed and embracing energy shifts (doing something different, going somewhere different) as important coping mechanisms.
Deborah's Deliberations 